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Putting sales emails to the ultimate test

I usually have a good radar for emails which are going to waste my time, but this morning I actually read one of them. Maybe I was in a mood for trash, having sat down with the House Teenager the night before and watched Sharknado 5. This email began – of course – by talking about “reaching out” to me, and inevitably went on to offer “jumping on a phone call” and taking a “deep dive” into data. Where’s the *eyes rolling* emoji when you need it?

The real problem however wasn’t those current business clichés. I read four paragraphs and simply had no idea what the sender was trying to sell me. Even the bit about the “solution” – which was supposed to describe my apparent problem – was incomprehensible. As for the product itself, I could work out nothing more than it being some sort of online service.

It goes without saying that your sales emails don’t do that, dear reader. Or do they? I know you’re selling to professionals, but I’d still argue that they should still be comprehensible to everyone who speaks your language and has an average IQ. Have you checked? If you really want to put them to the ultimate test, get them read by that most cynical of beings (if you’re lucky enough to have one) – the House Teenager.