RIP those crazy searches

So as we know, Google is no longer sending us the search terms which people used to find our site – at least not through Google Analytics, anyway. If there’s one thing we all need to have learned from the data while it was provided, it’s just how much of our Google traffic came from searches on our company name. I’ve seen sites where 95% of all visits from Google had just typed in the company name, and 50% to 75% is not unusual.

At the other extreme, however, are the one-off searches which make you think “why would anyone type that into Google?” and “why would Google then suggest our site?”. Inspired by this article on the Hubspot blog, here are my all-time favourites. These have all been typed into Google and have led people to the BMON website. I shall miss knowing about them.

1. “can you recommend a company to do our adwords bmon”
Er… yes. I guess we can.

2. “careful with that axe”
One for the teenagers, there.

3. “do you switch the kitchen light out with your chin”
One for the Half Man Half Biscuit fans, there.

4. “google adwords more visits than enquiries”
The MD’s just asked why we don’t have a 150% conversion rate.

5. “how many businesses use online marketing”
About twelve.

6. “here you go a half”
Cheers. Don’t mind if I do.

7. “how do you delete everything of google”
I’m sure some other search engines are working on that right now.

8. “irritating emails”

9. “can a panda hurt me?”
Possibly. They don’t realise their own strength, you know.

10. “can you find out more for us?”
I’ll do my best. Now what’s the question?

11. “do up your buttons”
Yes. I do not want any scruffy readers, you hear me?

12. “example for how tolk salsman with costemor”
My advice is to stick to the verbal presentations, for a start.

13. “fish just resting”
As opposed to working hard in the marketing department?

14. “great unanswered questions”
Gosh, er …how do the road gritters get to work, perhaps?

15. “my website vanished”
Don’t look at me.

16. “police car drawing up”
I’m sorry officer, I was looking at the BMON website…

17. “chris rand death of marketing”
We all want to be influential, but that would be remarkable.

18. “he call me dear online”
There’ll be a police car drawing up outside his house soon.

19. “how long should i try magazine advertising”
About 45 years, ending around 2003, I’d say.

20. “who are you if no bodies looking”
If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s nobody around to hear, does it make a sound?

7 thoughts on “RIP those crazy searches”

  1. Where can I find, in Analytics, the long tail searches that people have used to get to my site? So many of the descriptions I see online are for previous evolutions of Analytics, I can’t find a recently produced description.

  2. That was the point of this article, David; Google is no longer sending details of the searches used to reach you. Sorry.

  3. Ah, d’oh!! Sorry, I remembered having seen this before and skipped straight to the examples. Guilty as charged.

    I did actually go to Acquisition > Keywords > Organic and saw some interesting stuff. Isn’t that essentially it?

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